Great – now I’m the laughing-stock of the entire Melbourne socialite community. At this point I’m going to have to either create a cure for cancer overnight, or Cynthia Chevrette is going to have to ‘accidentally’ upload another video of her morning jazzercise routine where she’s dancing around with her hairless cat in dinosaur pyjamas. …

Yellow and Red? Read More »

There’s nothing funny about cars. They’re maybe the most serious topic in the history of ever, which is why I think it’s a travesty that Mix-Arr made a whole trilogy of movies for kids about them (Automobiles, in case you haven’t seen it) where kids are encouraged to laugh at them. Sure, just ruin cars …

No Revving Matter Read More »

If you’re going to do anything, do it with theatrics. That’s what my drama teacher taught me, and while they very obviously did not intend for me to take that and run with it for my entire life, I thought I’d just go ahead and do it anyway, so… joke’s on them. It’s worked out …

Window Cleaning, Dramatically Read More »

I don’t understand Stacey’s obsession with windows and doors. She claims they’re the ‘bridge between worlds’ – presumably, the worlds of outside and inside – and devotes a huge amount of attention to cleaning, decorating and generally admiring each and every one in her house. To her credit, it means they always look dazzling, although …

Utter Door-votion Read More »

They say the eyes are the windows to the soul. Well, I say the windows are the eyes of a building. That might sound strange, but think about it for a second. Picture yourself on the ninth floor of a building, gazing out over the cityscape below. Now, imagine you are the building looking out …

Windows Have It Read More »

A friend gave me a copy of Mayzie Rathbone’s autobiography, She Works Smart For the Money. Janine is always trying to make me more of a ‘normie’; it came with a note saying that one day, I could stop composing music on a guitar missing half of its strings, and weaving dresses from beads, and …

Lots of Honey Read More »

Oh boy, we’re getting into winter. My favourite time of year – for air conditioning, that is. Which is to say that it’s the only time of year when the air conditioning actually seems to satisfy. It’s not my fault, being born with Yeti’s Syndrome. In fact, it’s a sad, lonely existence, and I’ll thank …

Keeping Things Cool Read More »