Yellow and Red?

Great – now I’m the laughing-stock of the entire Melbourne socialite community. At this point I’m going to have to either create a cure for cancer overnight, or Cynthia Chevrette is going to have to ‘accidentally’ upload another video of her morning jazzercise routine where she’s dancing around with her hairless cat in dinosaur pyjamas.

Even then, I don’t know how much it would distract from me arriving at the Melbourne premiere of Revengers: Edamame wearing a sunflower-yellow gown, but realising too late that I’d brought my red bag instead of my brown one. Thank goodness I went for the tiny satin clutch instead of the large, slouchy leather bag I’d been considering, but still, vivid red against vivid yellow? The whispers began, then there were snickers, an unusual amount of photo flashes were aimed in my direction, and there it is on the front of the Moist Rag this morning: ‘Local Melbourne Socialite Adopts Fast Food Clown Colours’.

Oh, I’m ruined! If only I’d remembered what my mother told me: “Stick to black leather bags, Mercedes. You can never go wrong with black, even if you’re already wearing black.”

Oh, my foolish, pleasure-seeking soul going after bright colours and wanting to be noticed! Well, that’s it. From now on, it’s all-black for me. I’ll either blend into the background, or I’ll look so stylish and chic that people will totally forget about my red-and-yellow faux pas. In fact, the two colours of red and yellow are off-limits to me forever. It’s black all the way, maybe with flecks of white.

That’s it: a fail-proof, classic black leather bag, black clothes, and maybe I’ll even dye my hair black. Blonde is too close to yellow, and I don’t need to be reminded every time I look in the mirror. Also, I’ll see if Cynthia Chevrette is up at anything… fun. Maybe with some oddly-patterned pyjamas. That’ll make me feel better. 

-Mercedes Benoitte