You know, I’m not overly sure that there’s any sort of functioning infrastructure in the West. You know how here in the East of Melbourne, we have structures for things, like how if your electricity is on the blink, you get a professional in to deal with it. Now, I haven’t been to the West, because I value my life, but I’m just assuming that if you have some sort of problem, you solve it yourself. There’s no choice: you must simply cobble together whatever you can find from the blasted landscape and hope that it fixes the problem.

We have such riches compared to them, it’s almost sad. Ute under body boxes, flowing like rain, and toolboxes on every street corner for all to take them. Truly, we have an industrious and egalitarian society here in the East, which makes me wonder if the West of Melbourne could benefit somewhat from our excess of custom service bodies. Melbourne was meant to be a place of sharing, after all. 

But how? How would they use that which they do not understand? There’s some meaning to the phrase ‘pearls before swine’, even though that might come across as a little bit harsh. Our toolboxes here in the East are quite marvellous, with central locking and workmanship that speaks of quality and love, but I worry that simply handing them out to citizens of the West will be fruitless; they will use them to gather rocks, as crude blunt weapons, and our charity will be wasted.

Maybe we could start slow by introduce aluminium ute trays , the most foundation of all vehicle mods. If this works out, we may proceed to gifting them with additional accessories such as the sought-after gas bottle holders.

Of course, there’s the chance that they’ll succumb to base instincts and use everything we send as blunt weapons, but they deserve a chance.