If you’re going to do anything, do it with theatrics. That’s what my drama teacher taught me, and while they very obviously did not intend for me to take that and run with it for my entire life, I thought I’d just go ahead and do it anyway, so… joke’s on them. It’s worked out really well, too. I’ve definitely been noticed at every single job interview I’ve ever been to, I get served first at any place where the queue isn’t immediately apparent, and I just generally feel like one of life’s leading characters, as opposed to the quiet wallflowers who are destined to fade into the background.
Yes, I truly am set for success, even though right now I may be a window cleaner. At least I’m a dramatic window cleaner. Many are the days upon which I sing the praises of the glazing specialists Melbourne hosts within its hallowed domain, for they hath done a wonderful job with the glass I am now cleaning. Sometimes I literally do sing, because if I’m hoping to get a part in a musical someday, what better way to advertise myself is there than sitting in a motorised platform suspended high above the street and belting out an original show tune? And an original show tune about windows, at that.
Just think of how many skills I’m showcasing with this job: song creation, song singing, balance, showmanship, the ability to multitask, and also cleaning windows. That might come up one day, you know. There could be a show about window cleaners, and there would be a wonderful song and dance number where we all dangle from harnesses like real window cleaners, or we tap dance on scaffolding like real window cleaners. I mean, the boss keeps telling me to stop doing that, but whatever.
Or maybe there’ll be a show about professional glass balustrade installation. Melbourne theatre critics, you’d be up for that, wouldn’t you? I hope so, because I’ve already written several songs for it.