Down With Clutches!

These roads have me vexed! Vexed, indeed

I thought I’d do something totally different and get my driver’s license, something none of my other wizard brothers have achieved – to my knowledge, anyway. All I had to do was cast a minor spell of forgetfulness upon the test invigilator, and she conveniently forgot about my smashing into the fire hydrant, forgetting the direction of roundabouts, annihilating several mailboxes, nearly ending the lives of frightened pedestrians crossing at some lights (and the accompanying foul tirade from myself when I thought that I was in the right) and finally, how I ended my test by driving directly through the wall of the driving school. I needed several forgetfulness spells for that one.

I’m told that there are professionals who can assist with traffic impact assessment preparation. Melbourne, surely, must have at least one of those, but I am beginning to think that it is all a deception. Partially because the road systems still confuse me despite my great amount of study, and partially because I’ve never heard of a traffic impact assessment person. In my realm, we simply travel on straight roads, or via magic carpet so that we need no roads. Perhaps Melbourne traffic engineers are a wise-yet-ignored breed of person, trying to make changes but not being heard.

I mostly blame two things: the clutch, because it is a foul and unspeakable thing, and car park design. With cars on one side of the road, cars on the other side of the road and angry motorists behind me wanting to either park in a space or escape the car park, how is one supposed to make any decisions? There’s no room to make movements! I need at least several horse-lengths before I’m able to make even an eleven-point turn. This is largely because of the clutch – vexatious, contemptible piece of demonic tomfoolery that it is – but I do think car parks need to be larger as well.